Wedding Jokes

I went to the County Fair. They had one of those “Believe it or not?” shows. They had a man born with a penis and a brain.

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Husband: “Shall we try a different position tonight?”
Wife: “That’s a good idea…. you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.”

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What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife

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Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So they can think with an open mind.

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What’s a man’s idea of a romantic evening?
A candlelit football stadium.

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What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man’s undivided attention.

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When you want a man to play with you, wear a full-length black nightgown with buttons all over it. Sure it’s uncomfortable, but it makes you look just like his remote control.

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What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.

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If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

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Why do bald guy’s have holes in their pockets?
So they can run their fingers through their hair.

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What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?
Darling.

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Men are always whining about how we’re suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining, you’re not pressing hard enough on the pillow!

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