Wedding Jokes

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

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What do you call a woman without an asshole?
Divorced.

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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
Because all those men already have boyfriends.

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Why do so many women fake orgasms?
Because so many men fake foreplay.

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Why did the tribes in Israel wander the desert for forty years?
Because even back then, men wouldn’t stop to ask directions.

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Why do men tend to name their penises?
They want to be on a first name basis with anything that makes 95% of their decisions for them.

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How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix?
It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn’t need it anyway!

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What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run or don’t fit right in the crotch!

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Husband: “Want a quickie?”
Wife: “As opposed to what?”

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How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

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How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?

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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

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