Wedding Jokes

Why do men wear hair gel and aftershave?
Because they’re often under increasing pressure from a society which over simplifies the process of ascertaining ones worth and attractiveness by reducing someone down to individual physical attributes OR is it because they’re ugly and they smell bad?

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How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to “instruction manuals.”

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What’s the similarity between a man and an uppercase Q?
They’re both big fat zeroes with little dicks hanging off them.

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Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

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How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.

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In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

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Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two Mother-in-laws.

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A person receives a telegram informing about his mother-in-law’s death. It also inquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies, “Don’t take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.”

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The wife wants to try the missionary position. She’s on top while I’m in Africa.

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Why can’t little girls fart?
They don’t get assholes till they’re married.

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Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

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A woman posted a personal ad that read, “Husband wanted”. The next day she received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine!!”

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