Wedding Jokes

 Her husband has been slipping in and out for a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck.”

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Young Son – Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her? Dad – That happens in every country, son.

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Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness as until I got married; and then it was too late.”

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There’s a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby monitor, increase significantly. The nurse gets the bright idea that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman out of her coma. She calls the woman’s husband, tells him her idea about oral sex, and he agrees.

When he arrives at the hospital, the nurse ushers him into the room, closes the curtain around the bed, and closes the door. Five minutes later, the man comes running out of the room screaming that all of his wife’s vital signs have plummeted to zero and she needs a doctor immediately. The nurse, upset that her idea had not only not worked, but seemed to be threatening the life of the woman she had sought to save, asked the man what had happened. “I’m not sure, but I think she choked”.

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After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”  She replied,  “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

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“The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.”

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say,
talk in your sleep.

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You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

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