What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.
Man: “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”
What’s the difference between pregnant women and men?
One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.
Why do women live longer than men?
Someone has to stick around and clean up the mess after them.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
You shut the door.
How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A sex-change operation.
Why is food better than men?
Because you don’t have to wait an hour for seconds.
How do men sort their laundry?
“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”.
There was a lady who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late!”
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
How do you grow your own dope?
Plant a man.