Wedding Jokes

Why can’t men get mad cow disease?
Because men are pigs.

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How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.

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What’s the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body, except his own.

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Why did God create men?
Because a vibrator can’t mown the lawn.

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What’s the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
About forty-five minutes.

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Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

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How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.

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How do you know when your wife is a lousy cook?
She uses the smoke detector as a timer.

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What’s the difference between a man and a lawnmower?
Lawnmowers don’t bitch after they cut the yard.

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Did you hear about the man who got caught masturbating while on board a commercial airliner?
He was arrested for skyjacking!

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How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

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How are men like vacations?
They never seem to be long enough!

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