Wedding Jokes

What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

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What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.

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Diamonds are a girl’s best friends. Dogs are man’s best friend. So which is the dumber sex?

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Why do doctors slap babies’ butts right after they’re born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.

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Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in the bed and go to the fridge.

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Why do men have legs?
So their brains don’t drag on the ground.

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Why is the book “Women Who Love Too Much” a disappointment for many men?
No phone numbers.

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What’s a man’s idea of a perfect date?
A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.

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“You and your husband don’t seem to have an awful lot in common,” said the new tenant’s neighbor. “Why on earth did you get married?” “I suppose it was the old business of ‘opposites attract’,” was the reply. “He wasn’t pregnant and I was.”

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Ever notice how many of women’s problems can be traced to the male gender? MENstruation, MENopause, MENtal breakdown, GUYnecology, HIMmorrhoids

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When do you care for a man’s company?
When he owns it.

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What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.

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