Wedding Jokes

Did you hear about the new “morning after pill” for men?
It changes their blood type.

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Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.

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How many men does it take to shingle a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.

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Man: “If I could just see you naked, I’d die happy.”
Woman: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.”

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Man: “Your body is like a temple.”
Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today.”

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Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.

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What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.

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Why do men call women birds?
Because of all the worms we pick up.

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What do men and diapers have in common?
They are always on your ass and full of shit.

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How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he’s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

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What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift?
Exchange him.

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Husband: “Will you love me when I grow old and overweight?”
Wife: “Yes I do.”

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