|
It is totally fascinating when
whole groups of people have no ability to listen to their colleagues, partners
or friends and therefore cannot understand or comprehend any opinion other than
their own. What could have been covered in five minutes or learned in half an
hour often takes hours or days just because people refuse to sit back, listen
and understand.
Over the years it's amazing the number of times people are provided with
information that, if they acted upon, could totally alter a relationship, career
or the success of a business. But, because the sheer lack of peoples ability to
listen to and think through another persons point of view unique opportunities
pass them by.
Relationships are no different to the work environment other than there are,
usually, just two of you. Often, what could be a marriage made in heaven is
destroyed by the sheer inability to communicate. The most successful
relationships, be it business or personnel are those whereby both parties have
strong verbal and listening skills.
Many relationship problems begin with poor communication. Couples often feel
that their partner should know what they are thinking and how they feel so do
not communicate and then wonder why they feel neglected and under valued.
How many people decide not to tell their partner something just because they
don't know how to say it and then the problem just eats away at the relationship
until there is no relationship left? What a waste, just the sheer ability to
share a problem can make what seemed to be an insurmountable issue a tiny little
blip on a large horizon.
So whenever you feel stressed or don't know what to do don't just bottle it up,
talk about it, seek advice and listen to the answer. Don't keep quiet when you
know in your heart a problem has to be aired and don't put off until tomorrow
what has to be sorted today. Tomorrow never comes!!
It is how you say something that will ruin a relationship and not what you have
to say. The wrong way is just to blurt out something that you know will
aggravate or distress your partner. The last thing you want is for them to get
defensive, storm off or burst into floods of tears. You want the person you are
trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive and in order to be able to
achieve this, your timing and approach has to be right.
Every individual is different what will work with one person won't necessarily
work with another and with some people all you can do is sew the seed and then
let them walk away and work it out for themselves.
One person I know never actually listens to anyone. She is one of those people
who is always right no matter what, hasn't a clue about being a team player and
operates within a zero tolerance zone. Traditional approaches and method of
reasoning just don't work and alls you can do is plant the seed of thought which
eventually develops into her, own acceptable idea.
Given peoples individuality you need to learn what, is the right approach for
you and your partner. Make sure that you never start a discussion if you don't
have time to finish it, don't insist on a debate when one of you is off out to
work, dealing with the kids or just relaxing in front of their favourite TV
programme. If the timing seems to be never right ask the question 'when would it
be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?'. Whatever you do, do not let
yourself appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language
can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them.
Even if your partner is vying for a fight just don't react.
Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure
way to failure. One of the key ways to improve communication is to develop
strong listening skills. Couples often fail to listen to what their partner has
to say, interrupt and give the impression that no matter what is said they won't
change their mind. One trick to ensure that you have listened and you do
understand is to repeat what you have heard. This will demonstrate that you have
listened to what was said and by repeating it back you have the opportunity to
comprehend and understand. How often do we try and work through a problem and
it's only at the point we are explaining the issue to someone else does the
magic light bulb switch on which enables us to come up with the answer. If you
are taking an exam would you expect to know everything just by being told it
once? For most people I would say not. We have to work at it and work at it
hard. No one ever said marriage would be easy it's just another lesson we have
to learn as we experience life but if you want to save your marriage and make it
even more special than it was before then there is very little to stop you.
Relationship problems can lay
heavy on your mind, become a burden and what was originally a small issue can
develop into an insurmountable mountain. If you begin to feel that marital
issues are beginning to weigh heavily on your mind, take a break and do
something you enjoy and preferably with your partner. If you can refocus your
attention of the better things in life, day to day issues always seem that much
smaller. Spending a little time together and enjoying each other's company could
enable you and your partner to recapture some of the feelings that have been
lost through constant arguing and help you regain a positive perspective on your
relationship.
Just one last word of advice,
when you are feeling down and feel you no longer want to save your marriage just
remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. If you believe
you have financial issues now what do you think it will be like when you split
your assets, if you feel you don't have time to do things what will it be like
when you are on your own or worse a single parent and if you feel lonely now how
will you feel when every time you walk in your front door all's you have is your
own company. Now none of these thoughts have been aired to encourage you to stay
in a bad relationship but rather to make you consider whether or not yours is as
bad as you think. You are the master of your own destiny and if you want to turn
a bad marriage around you have the power at your fingertips.
About the Author:
http://www.saveyourmarriage.marriagehealth.com
To immediately download wedding speech templates check out
Instant Wedding Speech Templates
– An online resource toolkit of wedding
speech templates, example wedding speeches, toasts, jokes, quotes, openers and
closers and rehearsal tips. This great resource allows you to semi-personalize
your toast by filling in a few blanks and inserting your own memories of the
Bride and Groom.
Read more...
|
