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*Be crowned the king/queen of
two-timing BEFORE you commit In other words, it's so much easier to play the
field while you're single, instead of getting married and deciding you want to
see a whole lot of other people. Seems like this would be easy to figure out,
right? Well, apparently it's not. Some people don't realize the big mess they've
created until it's way too late and they're unable to come back from it. Can you
say: Alimony, monthly child-support payments and a second job to support
yourself? Not to mention various sexually transmitted diseases, some fatal.
*Marry someone you are also friends with. Declare to spend the rest of your life
with someone who really likes you as a person, not just as a sexual partner.
Sometimes, sex will be nonexistent for short periods of time (pregnancy,
illness). If you and your better half like each other, as well as love each
other, the foundation that was built on friendship will be more than enough to
get you through those rough patches. Besides, being best friends with your
spouse makes marriage so much more fun!
*Don't put your spouse on a pedestal Everyone makes mistakes, so leave room for
plenty of them. If you're looking for the perfect spouse and marriage you're
probably living in a fantasy world. Simple rules apply in our vows, but we all
act a little human sometimes and vows become the hardest thing in the world to
stick to. This is to be expected, so try not to come down too hard on your other
half for not being a saint at all times and the two of you will be just fine.
*Leave the past in the past Geez, are you still nagging about all those awful
things that happened three years ago. Get over it. No one wants to hear the
remix of how much of a jackass they used to be, especially when you all agreed
to work it out and things are going great. If you just can't stop bringing it up
every five minutes, maybe it's time to seek counseling. Otherwise, concentrate
on the good things and push forward.
*Put your spouse and children first Nothing is going to send you to divorce
court faster than in-law drama. I know you want everyone to get along, but
understand that you are not responsible for your mother, father or siblings
happiness. Your main responsibility is to keep your house in order. If your
parents and siblings can't get with the program, be prepared to take a hiatus
from them until they have learned to respect you and your mate. If something in
them forbids them to do so, stay true to the one who really matters and that
should be you. If you truly want a successful marriage, sometimes you have to
learn to love from a distance.
*Never disrespect your home You already know your family hates your
husband/wife, so stop going to them and talking behind his or her back whenever
you two have an argument. One, it just makes your family loathe your spouse even
more and two, your marriage is on the wrong track if you're pouring salt on your
significant other. Also, keep your house a home by not having the wrong people
coming and going. This is bad for any relationship, married or not. Keep the
drama queen/king out of your house, they're only looking to start trouble.
*Keep marital advice from someone who isn't married to a minimum Realistically,
you probably shouldn't take marital advice from someone who has never been
married, just like you probably shouldn't take childrearing advice from someone
who doesn't have kids. I know it sounds a little harsh, but it makes sense.
Would you take flight instruction from someone who has never even had flight
training? I wouldn't. In my experience, my unmarried friends have never said
anything that could help my marriage. (Sorry guys, I know you tried, but...)
Personally, I like to seek advice from older, experienced couples. There is no
better way to prepare for marital warfare, than to get guidance from someone who
has already been in combat and survived.
*Support your husband or wife's endeavors Why do you shoot down every idea your
sweetie comes up with? Will it really kill you to be supportive for once? No one
will exist on a single thought for the rest of their lives. Realize that people
grow and with growth comes change. It's understandable your spouse has
aspirations outside of going to work and paying bills. Is your opposing attitude
holding him back from starting that small business? Are you laughing her away
from her dream of becoming an actress? Be supportive of your life companion's
dreams because if it works out for them, it will really work out for you.
*Keep passion alive! She used to wear sexy boy shorts while the two of you were
dating, but since you've been married and had two children all she's worn to bed
are her gigantic granny bloomers. He used to say something flattering to you
everyday, but now he barely notices you. These are common complaints and it can
wreak havoc in a marriage. Life is busy and we all get weary from our day-to-day
affairs, but just remember to take a little time out to spoil your spouse every
once in a while. Let them know that you haven't forgotten about them and you
appreciate all of their efforts. Show them that you are still the person they
fell in love with even though life can get in the way. Your partner will surely
return the favor.
*Communicate often Talk to your spouse everyday about something other than the
kids, the house, and the bills. Even if you don't spend a lot of time in the
house together, a cell phone will solve that problem. Be sure to get some time
to yourselves; go out on a date every once in a while or just snuggle on the
couch and talk about constructive things. In my opinion, communication is the
key to a successful marriage. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with
someone who won't even talk? Who wants to have a disagreement, but not be able
to discuss it intelligently? I'm a huge fan of heated discussions. At least
we're communicating; not going in a room, slamming the door and stewing for
hours. Let's hash it out, get it over with and make up. And who doesn't like
making up? Wink.
Don't forget to:
*Pray! Pray everyday for your marriage, your home and children. Prayer can bring
reassurance and ease your mind when things go haywire. Do you know what would be
even better? Pray together. You already know the saying, "the family that prays
together, stays together!"
About the Author: Sheila Webster-Heard is a freelance writer and
author. She writes about various life experience topics and is also a published
poet.
http://www.sheilawebster-heard.com
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