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1. Do make your wedding a joint venture between bride and groom. Some grooms
just want to know what to wear and where and when to show up. Some brides want
to call all the shots and make all the decisions. Make your decisions together -
you will be doing this for the rest of your lives and this is a good place to
start.
2. Do get everything that can get done in advance done as far in advance as you
can. You don't want to discover the day before your wedding that you have
forgotten to get your marriage license or that your dress isn't ready.
3. Do let your ceremony reflect who you are as individuals and who you are as a
couple. This can be done with the music, readings, vows and other personal
stories and selections you make.
4. Do take into consideration "family tensions" or "sore spots" when you plan
your seating. If parents have divorced and remarried and have tension in each
other's presence, be sensitive about how they are seated at both the ceremony
and the reception or dinner. This will prevent unnecessary stress and perhaps
tears.
5 Do delegate, delegate, delegate. Let other's help so when the week of the
wedding arrives you have time to enjoy your guests and not arrive at your own
wedding too tired to enjoy it.
Now how about the don'ts?
1. Don't think you have to spend more money on a wedding than it would cost you
for a college education or a new house. Some of the most beautiful and
meaningful ceremonies are in someone's back yard. It isn't about how much money
you spend but about the love between you. Think about how you can avoid going
into your marriage on the edge of bankruptcy.
2. Don't be shy about speaking up for yourselves. This is your wedding. Just
because Aunt somebody-or-other had her bridesmaids in dresses that looked like
those in My Big Fat Greek Wedding doesn't mean you have to do the same. Or
because Uncle I-think-I-can-sing-but-can't wants to sing doesn't mean you have
to let him. Tell them how much you love them and thank each of them for their
wonderful offer with a gentle statement that you've already chosen the dresses
and planned the music (or whatever).
3. Don't Procrastinate. This is another way to say what was said in #2 Do above.
If you want a disaster the day before and the day of the wedding, just put
things off. The more organized you are and the better you have delegated those
"last minute" things, the more you will be able to participate in and enjoy
wedding day.
4. Don't have unrealistic expectations about having everything perfect.
Beautiful? Yes. Perfect is harder. Remember that this is a joyful celebration of
love rather than an exercise in perfection. Most of us are not "practically
perfect in every way" like Mary Poppins and we make mistakes. The mistake is
generally the thing that gives you the fondest memories. I officiated a near
perfect wedding and I was aware that everything had gone right. At about that
point, a bridesmaid fainted. She was quickly back on her feet and the ceremony
proceeded, again, perfectly. There was no way this could be anticipated and
prevented. They will talk about it with fond memories for years to come.
5. Don't drink alcoholic beverages prior to the ceremony. There are enough
challenges without having a best man or even the groom (or the maid of honor or
even the bride) drunk at the ceremony. Yes, nerves are jangled and tension is
high. But you don't want the officiant to say, when it's time for vows, "Please
slur after me . . ."
About the Author:
Irene Conlan is an ordained, non-denominational minister in Scottsdaale, AZ and
the Phoenix metropolitan area. She delights in designing unique, custom weddings
that are personal and spectacular for each couple.
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