Funny Wedding One Liners

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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Marriage is grand, divorce is about 10 grand.

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Husband to friend: Do you know what it means to me to go home to a really good meal in a clean and tidy home?
Friend: You’ve gone to the wrong house?

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I’ve never forgotten the day I got married – and don’t think I haven’t tried hard!

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The only thing my husband and I have in common is we got married on the same day!

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It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!

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A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

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Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

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Shotgun wedding = A case of wife or death.

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What’s the difference between a man and a chimpanzee? One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching his ass… and the other is a chimpanzee.

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The reason I turned down an extramarital affair is because my wife found the key to my gun cabinet.

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